Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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