this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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