You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
