Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
