whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
