Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
