I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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