he shaved USA in his pubs
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
