I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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