Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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