she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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