Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize