Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
