he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You are a genius and a whore.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
