well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
