Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
