remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
