i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
