I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
