there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
