Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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