You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
