Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
