guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
