you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
