I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Too much gin, very little bucket
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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