Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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