Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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