How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
