He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
