if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
