I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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