So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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