I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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