Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
