I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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