And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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