Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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