omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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