My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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