im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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