Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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