Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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