do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
