life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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