i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
