Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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