Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize