So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
did i just pee glitter
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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