I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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