How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize