New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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