I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Do you have feelings for this penis?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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