Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
