So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
