I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
