i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
