dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
