Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
