I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
