i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
