note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
