woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
