i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
