The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
