Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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